I’m sure there are some of you out there who use a file-sharing program such as LimeWire or BitTorrent for nefarious, illicit file-swapping purposes. Come on, fess up.

As you may know, these applications employ peer-to-peer, or P2P, technology to enable quick and easy data transfer between you and other users.

But just because the P2P protocol empowers you and millions of other folks to trade copyrighted content such as movies and music, you should know - if you don’t already - that P2P data transfer technology operates as far more than simple, illegal file-sharing.

For instance, if you play a MMORPG like World of Warcraft, you’re benefiting from P2P all the time. WoW applies the game’s latest patch quietly beneath the surface as you play, employing P2P to ensure that the game is updated as quickly as possible without inconveniencing you.

I’m guessing that you’re really glad you don’t need to stop playing and logout in order to patch the game.

What I’m getting at is that illegal file sharing is now drawing the attention of government bigwigs, who are drafting a new bill called HR1319 - The Informed P2P User Act. This potential law has good intentions: It’s meant to protect you, the user, from jerks who try to access your private files and use your computer’s resources and bandwidth without your knowing. This kind of stuff, unfortunately, happens frequently with files-sharing apps.

But as it’s currently written, HR1319 poses a potential threat to nearly all of your online interactivity. The bill’s broad language equates P2P with file sharing as if they were one and the same. And as you and I know, P2P is only a protocol, not a file-sharing program.

What does this mean for you? Well, if this bill becomes law, you will be inundated with more pop-up dialog boxes than Windows Vista ever dreamed of. It’s possible that you’ll be forced to be informed every time you receive any kind of information sent to you from the Internet - and you’ll need to click the OK button each dang time. This would be a nightmare when browsing the web, can you imagine?

And if that doesn’t sound bad enough, listen up, WoW players: While you’re playing, every time the game tries to patch itself, a dialog box will pop up asking you for permission. Imagine you’re questing with a party, in a boss battle and about to deliver the killing blow, when suddenly a dialog box pops up and bumps you out of the game:

“World of Warcraft wants to deliver data to your computer, do you approve? Click OK to continue.” Meantime the boss slaughtered you and now you’re frickin’ dead, wandering the land in search of your frickin’ body. And imagine that this happens All. The. Time.

A good example of a legitimate use of P2P exists here at PlayWhat. We utilize Solid State Networks‘ ION to accelerate our (legitimate) downloads, one file at a time, in a private P2P network. We love the advantages ION’s peer-to-peer technology offers our users - it’s completely safe, simple to install, and makes our downloads incredibly fast.

HR1319 has potential, you see, but it needs to be rewritten, rewritten and rewritten until the differences between file sharing and P2P are made perfectly clear. For everyone’s sake, only then should it be allowed to pass.

I know I was just talking about a study that proved playing video games does not result in violent behavior. But perhaps I spoke too soon.

As reported by the Daily Mail, the Good Childhood report for the Children’s Society in Great Britain has now concluded that gaming causes not only violence but unstable family life and teenage sex. Gaming is blamed for “family break-up and the lack of a father living at home for the misery of millions of children.”

The report also “linked the spread of early sex and the growing interest of young people in violence to selfish behaviour by adults. Their aggressive pursuit of personal success has pushed the needs of children aside and amounts to the greatest threat to their welfare”.

Of course, the report didn’t limit itself strictly to games, it also heaved some blame around on television and movies, even Shakespeare.

There certainly is no lack of opinions on this subject. I seriously doubt any study could ever discover for certain the mechanics of the dynamic between media and violence. But after seeing the picture above, I’m convinced of something. Not exactly sure what, but it’s something, I’m certain.

Ever peruse the Gaming section of Digg.com? It’s a melange of opinions, rumors and news about video games. Fun to read. Have you noticed how many “Top 10″ articles submitted, and Digged in ridiculous numbers?

Dozens. And it’s usually some schlep spouting off about the superiority of old-school games, inconsequential stuff. I don’t mean to be cruel, but enough already with these “Top (insert number)” lists, no one cares. There’s a reason why there’s so many. It doesn’t apply in all cases, but in most.

Traffic. If you want to generate some blog traffic, write a Top 10 post. For some reason, people love Top 10 lists. When they see a link to one they just have to click it. In trying to figure out why this is so, I dug deep into my psyche and discovered that I, too, am more likely to click on a Top 10 link in favor of a normal news link. I accept that I am one of the mindless horde. But why??

Here are the Top 10 Reasons why you’re compelled to read a Top 10 list:

#1 - It’s easy to read, spelled out in compartmentalized chunks of text that are short enough to appease the short attention spans characteristic of gamers.

#2 - You want to see if the author is wrong. Compared to your vast knowledge, this person’s thoughts will almost certainly be dubious and worthless, and you’re always up for an ego boost.

Okay, so it’s only a Top 2 list. I could write eight more but they’d all derive from the first two, and unlike some bloggers, I strive not to bore my readers. That pretty much sums it up.

Do gamers buy games because they crave violence and gore, or do game publishers churn out violent and gory games because they think that’s what gamers want?

It’s an interesting question. My take is that the enjoyment had with violent games comes from the sense of competition and achievement that arises as a result of the “killing”. Think about it: Do you play shooters because of the visceral thrill of gutting someone and gleefully watching them die in pain? I know some of you will say yes to that. But by and large, killing things in games is rarely about cold-blooded murder as it occurs in real life.

There just happens to be a new study that tests this very hypothesis. Researchers at the University of Rochester rounded up 2670 frequent game players and plopped them all in front of Half-Life 2. Split into halves, they were given either a carnage-producing shotgun or a psychic power that caused enemies to float into the air and evaporate.

Afterwards they were asked how much fun they had playing the game, and whether they liked it enough to play it again. The recidivism rates were much higher among the gamers who played the non-gory version of the game.

Craig Anderson, director of the Center for the Study of Violence at Iowa State University, sums it up best: “A common belief held by many gamers and many in the video game industry - that violence is what makes a game fun - is strongly contradicted by these studies.

“Furthermore, the research convincingly shows that there is no relation between amount of violence in a game and the enjoyment experienced by the players, once opportunities for satisfying competence needs and autonomy needs have been equated in violent and non-violent games.”

Okay fine, it was the article that spurred my thinking on this subject. But I swear, I already knew the answer.

I should preface the coming diatribe by saying that The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion is one of my favorite games of all time. I’ve played nearly the whole canon: Arena, Daggerfall, Battlespire, Redguard (Voodoo graphics only!) and Morrowind (+expansions).

As good as those games are (well, Battlespire not so much) there comes a point when playing, once you’ve mastered the mechanics and methods of achievement, that eventually there are no more surprises. You know exactly how every NPC is going to react, you realize how wooden they all are. You’ve seen the gamut of loot containers - crates, barrels, etc. The underlying gameplay structure has become transparent, so you start screwing around, killing everyone, stealing everything just to see what happens. Then boredom sets in - except for the bastion of players who, despite the ungodly repetition, are determined to complete all quests and explore every nook and cranny of the game world. That’s not me. I’m obviously of the former ilk; once the true suprise has faded I usually shelve the game. Right now I’m facing this dilemma with Fallout 3, the latest exceptional RPG from Bethesda.

It’s been mentioned - ad nauseum - that Fallout 3 is almost exactly the same game as Oblivion - of course with a newly-designed game world and ever-so-slightly modified combat mechanics. Any fan of Oblivion will notice the similarity instantly.

It’s not without improvements: The textures look considerably better than those in Oblivion - although everything from cracked pavement to piles of rubble looks as if it has been liberally shellacked. And the new V.A.T.S. targeting system is a godsend for me, since I’m terrible with frenetic firefights.

But back to my gripes with Bethesda’s RPGs. I’m hoping that if I get some of these out of my system I’ll be able to play Fallout 3 for just a little bit longer than I would normally.

First off: containers. Now, I understand that with a game world so enormous it would be nearly impossible to litter the game with a ton of absolutely unique objects. Endless load times and horrible frame rates would be unavoidable.

But how can you hope for a true sense of immersion if every NPC in the world owns the same exact barrels, crates (ugh, can we quit with the crates already?), desks, and foot lockers? Does everyone shop at the same medieval Crate and Barrel?

I can almost forgive Oblivion, since a barrel is a barrel pretty much no matter where you go. But shame, shame on Fallout 3.

Fallout 3’s post-apocalyptic (I’m really sick of that phrase) world is a horribly fractured, decimated place in which people are scarce, spread out and living in small, unique enclaves. Yet, every single location - houses, bars, subways, anywhere - is filled with exactly the same containers. The metal box seems most popular, followed closely by crappy, bent-up lockers, desks, first-aid kits (in the most unlikely places), toolboxes and lunchboxes.

And let’s talk about the contents of those containers. Atually, Oblivion takes the cake in this area. For instance, you come across a couple of huge crates - in one of them is solitary spoon, and in the other you’ll find just a broom, or an hourglass. There must be hundreds of unused hourglasses in the land of Cyrodiil! Not to mention the inkwells, folded cloth, quills, tongs, calipers, hand scythes and yarn - there’s a helluva lot of yarn in good old Cyrodill.

From Megaton to Rivet City to Raiders’ hideouts, every blasted place contains the same crap. I mean, Shopping carts are perfectly fine in and around the Super Mart, but on a wrecked boat in the river? in the bowels of an aircraft carrier? How about all those identical cameras, hammers, and all that damned scrap metal?

And what’s with all the firehose nozzles? Also, judging from the heaps of identical, rusted cars everywhere, it appears that just prior to the apocalypse there were only two models of automobiles in circulation. And why is it that every woman in the game has a pencil moustache?

One last gripe before I wipe my brow and relax. The world of Fallout 3 has been praised for its wide open environment but let me tell you, the game has plenty of dreaded invisi-walls to foil your ambulation. For instance, you’ll see lots of huge piles of rubble between buildings. These piles are not so high that you couldn’t climb them easily and hop over to the next street. But just try to take that shortcut and you’ll come face to face with the invisible forcefield of death. I can’t tell you how pissed off I get when I encounter that. My blood pressure is rising just thinking about it.

And though it’s technically correct, the dichotomy of CapitAl Wasteland vs. CapitOl Preservation Society sticks in my craw. I can’t help it.

I feel a little better now. I just arrived at Rivet City.

Really, it was only a matter of time. In fact, I’m surprised it’s taken so long for one of these to surface. I’ve been joking about the possibility for a while now, and now that it’s here I’m not entirely sure how I feel about it.

What I’m talking about is “Kaboom: The Suicide Bombing Game“, the first game I’ve discovered that puts you in the shoes of a suicide bomber.

The point of the game is obviously satire. It’s a Flash game in which identical, cartoon-ish men, women and children march back and forth along a sidewalk and you control an Arab-looking man wearing a big coat. The goal, of course, is to injure and kill as many people as possible with a single explosion. Crude animations depict body parts flying up into the air briefly before settling into a streak of blood on the ground.

Shocking? Maybe. But what about those hilarious Adult Swim Flash games? Fans of that adult-themed, late-night animation revue are certainly familiar with the roster of borderline-offensive games offered on AdultSwim.com. In Five Minutes to Kill (Yourself), it’s another day at the office and you’re given the task of committing suicide as quickly as possible using objects and people around you. Jam scissors into your stomach, slap a stapler on your face, cram your head into a paper shredder - just a few of the bloody ways to off yourself. Does the game promote suicide? I guess it depends on whom you ask.

How about Bible Fight, which pits Jesus, Mary, Noah, Satan and other biblical figures against each other in a fighting game? Jesus is a formidable opponent - he can make a pile of fish fall out of the sky to flatten you, and in his signature attack move he summons a huge wooden cross and smashes you to a pulp. Poor Mary is hampered by having to tote around baby Jesus while sparring. That’s sure to offend lots of people.

The Adult Swim games are undeniably designed to evoke a reaction by purposely crossing the line of propriety and good taste. But the intended audience is unlikely to be offended - by and large the games are hilarious. Anyone likely to be upset by their content is also unlikely to have ever heard of them in the first place.

Were it not based on such a controversial topic the suicide bombing game “Kaboom” would surely be forgotten. Its simplistic design is no match for the high-quality games from Adult Swim. Any replayability “Kaboom” may have lies solely in its ability to shock - it’s good fun to show your friends - but after that, nada.

Outrage? Well, so far the Israeli Embassy in London has “complained”. The game is definitely in bad taste, but is it bad enough to elicit a widespread affront to decency? I seriously doubt it.

The game’s anonymous author writes, “I’m not Jewish, I’m not an Arab and I’m not a terrorist. I just think people who blow themselves up are stupid. That’s all this game is.”

He’s right, that’s all it is. Suicide bombing is stupid, the game itself is pretty stupid, too, so I suppose the author has succeeded on some level. I laughed a bit and forwarded it to some friends, who also laughed a bit and probably forwarded it to more friends. And now I’m forwarding it to you.

Send it to folks who might be offended, have a good laugh at the reactions you get. Then forget about it, you know you will. I’m still waiting for the *really* offensive suicide bomber game that might actually be worth writing about.

What do you think of this horrible, outrageous insult to humanity?

WoW. Wow? Not so much. I realize that I’m in the minority, the tiny minority of gamers who are not impressed with World of Warcraft.

I’ll admit I have a low threshold for repetition; as any devoted WoW-er knows, in order to get to the point where you can team up with parties and go questing you need to level up your character Which means you have to grind, grind, grind, killing hundreds upon hundreds of monsters for untold hours to raise your experience level to the point where you’d be a useful party member.

Did you enjoy that run-on sentence? If I were to write this entire blog entry in one sentence with no punctuation you would have already stopped reading. That’s a good allegory for my experience with WoW. Grinding is so dull that people had to create scripts to make their characters grind automatically with no supervision. That’s fun?

There must be a particular mindset prevalent in die-hard WoW players. Party questing is what most people stick around for, and I didn’t last long enough to qualify for group outings, so I can’t comment on that aspect. Probably if I’d persevered through all the grinding I may have had a lot more fun with WoW.

Maybe not, though. What’s up with the graphics in World of Warcraft? The design of the game was barely passable when it first came out; you’d think that several years later they would have revamped the thing. But no, it’s still the blocky, neon-hued, often poorly-mapped environments, and characters that look like they have a polygon count as low as the Marines in Quake 2. (Okay, maybe that’s a little harsh. Quake 3? You know what I mean.) Granted, it’s a fantasy game and it’s not meant to look realistic. But really. (By the way, whatever happened with NURBS? Weren’t we due for an improvement over polygons some time ago? I’m really sick of seeing hexagonal wheels.)

Right around when WoW hit the peak of its popularity we started seeing a whole bunch of free-to-play MMORPGs, most from Asia - with graphics that aped those of WoW. In fact, aside from their decidedly Asian-influenced design, they were practically WoW clones, offering the same kind of grind-and-level gameplay. Given the success of WoW, many of these games garnered immense interest and made prett good money via microtransactions (the sale of in-game items like clothing and weapons).

Now that MMORPGs are huge business, we expect more. There’s really no reason anymore for crappy graphics. The first evidence I’ve seen of a true leap forward in design is Lord of the Rings Online. Right now I’m previewing the new expansion, Mines of Moria, and let me tell you, it’s a world away from the WoW generation.

Next up: More on Mines of Moria.

If you truly want to scare the crap out of yourself on Halloween, what do you do? We’re all so jaded nowadays that nothing scares us anymore.

You could go to a “haunted house” at your local community center and shriek like a pansy when rubber-masked dorks pop out in front of you - total bollocks. Or find a cemetery, sit on a grave with friends and tell ghost stories - bah. Those things are for sissies.

Aside from being pursued by an actual serial killer, what’s the closest you can get to sheer terror? Scary movies. That’s all ya got. You go to a movie theatre, hunker down in your seat and hope that the latest horror movie tripe will startle you with a loud noise or two. Or huddle in front of the TV and plod through all the “Saw” sequels until you pass out. (Please, don’t do that - save a shred of dignity for yourself.) What a freakin’ bore.

Why settle for a night of passive scares and spooks? If you can’t be chased by a real murderer the next best thing is a murder simulator! Jump into the thick of it, put yourself in some tangible peril.

We’ve rounded up a collection of the 9 (10 is so cliche) absolute creepiest games ever to grace a PC - some old, some new - and it just so happens that we have downloadable demos for each one of them! So go ahead and switch off all the lights in the house, crank up the sound, and scare yourself sh*tless.

9. American McGee’s Alice

Okay, American McGee’s Alice probably won’t scare you, but it nevertheless ranks high on the creepiness scale. Think of Disney’s version of Alice in Wonderland, how whimsical and fun it is. Now, imagine a version in which Alice’s parents die in a fire, Alice attempts suicide and she is imprisoned in a mental institution. The only escape for the poor, psychotic waif is to journey back to Wonderland - an evil, dreadful Wonderland that exists only in Alice’s catatonic mind. You get to control Bizarro Alice as she wields a sharp, bloody knife to fend off crazy walking cards and other disgusting foes. If you’ve a mind for the twisted and you’ll take creepy over scary, Alice is for you. (By the way, a movie adaptation is due in 2009.) Lose your mind in the demo.

8. Pathologic

You know how in a dream everything can seem a little off-kilter and it’s hard to see your surroundings clearly? That’s exactly the feeling I get from Pathologic - and it seriously creeps me out. Pathologic is one of those weird-but-cool games that get released with zero promotion and go under the radar immediately. Like Alice, it’s more creepy than scary, but there are some definite frights to be had here. This is a survival horror game in the vein of Silent Hill - but not quite. There’s a disturbing undercurrent of malevolence to this game, like something ominous and horrible is happening behind the scenes. Russian developers Ice-Pick Lodge create a dreary, depressing environment laced with black rain, stoic denizens wandering aimlessly in a town of stark, iron-barred houses and a defunct railroad. It’s more story than shooter, giving you the opportunity to flex your wit. Make the wrong choice and - well, you should find out for yourself. Start the nightmare, play the demo.

7. F.E.A.R.

This hugely popular shooter almost didn’t make the list because its creepy little girl character is a blatant ripoff of the film “The Ring” (which, by the way, is a good choice if you absolutely must do the movie thing). But I have to admit, for a ripoff it’s a pretty good. F.E.A.R.’s maniac munchkin is terrifying in her own right - people tend to explode in a mist of blood when she’s anywhere near. (So whenever, wherever you see her, don’t think, just GTFO!!) F.E.A.R. is your basic squad-based shooter but with an extra dose of frights - mostly of the shock-and-scream variety, thanks to some fantastic enemy AI that will have them hunting you down and catching you off guard. The levels are claustrophobic and the sound design instills the perfect sense of dread. Face your FEAR in the demo.

6. The Suffering: Ties That Bind

You’re in a dark, foreboding prison. Maniacs are jailed on all sides of you. Suddenly the place is falling apart and the inmates are rioting. You slip out of the cell block only to encounter insane, blade-fisted mutants scurrying up the walls and across the ceiling, bent on killing you. (I’m sorry, but anything that crawls on the ceiling and drops down in front of you is freakin’ scary.) You find a gun but ammo is scarce, doors are locked and those creepies are around every corner. The Suffering: Ties That Bind might not be the most original game, and its graphics aren’t anything to scream about, but play this thing alone in a dark room with the sound cranked up, and then tell me you didn’t almost soil yourself a few times. Make some skid marks, here’s the demo.

5. Doom 3

The creatures in Doom 3 are grotesque to the point of insanity. Get a good, close look at any one of them, I dare you. Sadly, the only time you’ll be close enough to get a gander will be right before you’re ripped from limb to limb. Sure, hardened vets who’ve beat the game twenty times will insist that Doom 3 isn’t scary at all. But for those of you who haven’t tried it, trust me, it will scare you. Creatures burst out unexpectedly time and time again. And just when you think you’ve found a friendly soldier he’ll whip around and charge at you all zombie-like, shotgun blazing. Did I mention it’s really dark in this Mars military complex? Sometimes what you can’t see is what terrifies you the most. Demo some doom.

4. Penumbra: Black Plague

Penumbra: Black Plague is definitely a lights-off experience. It’s a first-person survival-horror adventure, but guess what? You have no weapons. None. You’re stuck in an underground facility of some kind where something unseemly is going on. There are corpses around and a fearsome monster holed up somewhere, and you have to utilize the game’s amazing 3D physics in a realistic manner to make your way through the place. (Think Half-Life 2 physics puzzles.) It’s the overall ambiance that makes this game so creepy. It’s dark, you’re unarmed and vulnerable, and those weird little sounds … are they coming closer? Go ahead, open that door … It’s a ravenous demo!

3. BioShock

Irrational Games took the System Shock license in a different direction with Bioshock, but they managed to keep the same techno-spooky spirit. Set in a fantastical underwater city - abandoned, of course - Bioshock dumps you into an unsettling, zombie-infested (but gorgeous) environment where scary little girls (”Little Sisters”) roam around jamming syringes into corpses, and bloated diving-suit robots (”Big Daddies”) thunder after you if you disturb the little needle-toting creeps. What makes matters worse is that Bioshock has those abominable ceiling-crawlies, too! And if the overall setting isn’t scary enough, just wait till that first Big Daddy chases you. Trust me. Find out who’s your daddy in the demo.

2. Condemned: Criminal Origins

So, I’m playing Condemned: Criminal Origins on Xbox 360 for the first time. I take my own advice and set myself up in a pitch dark room with the volume cranked. Not expecting much, I fire up the game and smugly play the tutorial level. A little later, I’m stepping over piles of garbage in an abandoned building. Out of the corner of my eye something whizzes by, and I hear a piece of metal clank to the floor. I venture a little further forward to get a better look, and CRACK! WRAARRR! A rabid junkie is pummeling me with a two-by-four! Man, let me tell you, I jumped in my seat, my heart had never raced so quickly. (Out of fear, at least.) Need I say more? The demo will bash your head in.

1. Clive Barker’s Undying

Clive Barker is a sick, sick man. Master of the grotesque, deviser of the darkest, most twisted creations known to man. If you ever dreamed of stepping into the pages of a Clive Barker novel, here’s your chance. The 2001-era graphics won’t knock your socks off, but this game’s not about flash. It’s about drawing you into the world of a man haunted by his dead siblings who’ve been reanimated into evil monsters (damn those pesky occult rituals!). You have a roster of spells at your disposal - plus your trusty shotgun to take out some truly spooky-ass ghoulies. To understand why Undying deserves the number one spot, you simply have to experience it … An old, gothic house creaks and moans. A violent thunderstorm roars outside. Unearthly cackling peppers the air. A choir of discordant women’s voices rises and falls. A scream, a howling of pain wafts in from the next room. A specter hangs in mid-air. Gusts of wind rush through the hallways. You see, with Undying, it’s all about the experience. You don’t play to win, you play to get totally creeped out. Barker does it every time. Creep the light fantastic in the demo.

Editor’s amendment, 2/11/09: Since I wrote this post I played a game that scared the living crap out of me like none other. The soundtrack is designed to sneak up on you and pounce at the most unexpected moments (Doom 3, you’re dust). Aside from being so terrifying, the gameplay, though quite linear, is the slickest since System Shock 2 (which it resembles in more ways than one). Therefore, this game must share the number 1 spot with Undying. Of course, I’m talking about:


1. Dead Space

I beseech you, notice the semi-human arm sticking out of this thing’s waistline.

The first multiplayer online role-playing game I ever played was Ultima Online - meaning, paid for a subscription and invested innumerable hours in developing a character. It was a natural move for me; Ultima VI was my introduction into the world of single-player RPGs, and the game fascinated me to no end. The world of Britannia was teeming with citizens, each of whom had his or her own schedule. Merchants would wake up and open their shops at a particular time, then close down and go home. Citizens roamed the streets, often talking to other citizens. Everyone had an agenda, a timetable. I was thrilled to be a part of this already living world - the possibilities seemed endless.

Graphics back then were still pretty crude: EGA was the norm, or basic 16-color VGA if you were lucky enough to have a 16-bit machine like mine: a 386SX/16 with 4mb RAM and a 40mb hard drive - plenty of room to house the game data. Inside the big game box stuffed with manuals and a big cloth map were no less than 12 - count ‘em, 12 - installation disks. The actual floppy ones of yore - huge, bendy floppy disks. I’ll never forget the time I lost installation disk 10 … nevermind.

Years later when I heard that Origin was putting out an online version of Ultima, the slobbering began immediately. I somehow wrested myself into the Beta and behold, there was Ultima in all its 2D isometric, sprite-filled glory. The graphics were a slightly improved version of those in Ultima VII (the last decent SP Ultima title) and the game world seemed huge. And crowded - often there were so many players on screen you couldn’t find your own avatar. I played for several months along with my girlfriend at the time who, mercifully, was also a gamer. Questing with her was a blast.

As with most games, I eventually tired of playing UO and cancelled my subscription (my gf kept playing for a couple of years!). But UO had catalyzed a watershed, and soon we saw games like EverQuest (EverCrack as my buddies called it) and Asheron’s Call take over the online-gaming playing field. I tried both of those and became almost instantly bored. Nevertheless, a new cash cow had been born. I doubt anyone involved had any idea just how enormous the genre would become.

Online gaming took a back seat for me - it was in the trunk, actually - for a number of years. (Writing for CNET left precious little time for frivolous gaming.) Then, out of nowhere, came World of Warcraft. From the Diablo people. Diablo? That isometric dungeon crawler? What the hell could this online thing be?

At the very least, it was the birth of a new acronym: MMORPG.

Next up: WoW, the free-to-play explosion, and Lord of the Rings Online.

Okay, so there’s this free, fantasy Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game (MMORPG) called MapleStory. Its a 2-dimensional, side-scrolling affair that’s cute as cute can be:

Blue sky, puffy clouds, mushroom-topped house … how could anything go awry in such a world?

Three words: Marriage. Divorce. Death.

As in many fantasy MMOs, you can find a mate and get married in MapleStory. Naturally, since you’re hiding behind an in-game avatar that represents you in the game, you’re more likely to toss aside inhibitions and let loose - seek out and engage in random sexual encounters, get naked, curse like a sailor or kill strangers for kicks - without fear of repercussion. You’re also free to marry anyone you’d like, and of course such a marriage carries no legal weight outside the game.

Enter a Japanese couple who did just that: met and got married in the world of MapleStory. Things went swimmingly for a while - in fact, the two players developed such a close bond that they even traded the login and password information for each others’ MapleStory accounts. If that isn’t love, what is?

Apparently this wasn’t. Details are scarce, but the 43-year-old (IRL) woman’s 33-year-old (IRL) husband decided to cut things off and divorced her without so much as a warning. In the game, that is - we’re not sure whether they’re married in the outside world.

We all know that Hell hath no wrath like a woman scorned: She used her ex’s login information to sign in to his MapleStory account, and promptly murdered his cruel, heartless MapleStory avatar. “I was suddenly divorced, without a word of warning. That made me so angry,” she was quoted as saying.

And women wonder why men are so commitment-phobic.

Needless to say, her ex wasn’t pleased - in fact he called the police. I wish I were privy to that conversation. Can you report a murder if you’re not really dead?

The woman has been apprehended on suspicion of hacking, a charge which could lead to a prison term of up to five years or a fine as high as $5,000. Luckily for her, there’s been no sign of any real-world plot to have the man killed - so far.

Don’t these people have a sense of humor? It’s all make-believe. Plus, he could have killed her character right back - tit for tat - they already had the codes. (That’s what I would have done, anyway.) This poor couple obviously needs to get out of the house once in a while.

Really, the crime she committed is akin to reading your husband’s email when he’s not around. That’s all we need in this country: another excuse to get all litigious on someone’s ass. Ladies, take heed.